This girl is more easily done than said...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
