i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
