soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
