where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
