so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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