Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
