Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
