His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
