So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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