haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
