He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
