Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
