So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
