so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
