I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
