Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
