My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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