is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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