Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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