we have officially lost it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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