i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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