I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
