Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
