he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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