I wish my penis had an off switch
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
