Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
