Cold hands, warm shart.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
