margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
