The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
