Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
