You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
