I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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