So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
