direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
