Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
