He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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