I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
