Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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