Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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