I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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