I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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