I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
