you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
