So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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