he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize