i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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