I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
