I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
