So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
