Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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