Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
