I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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