...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
