If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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