it was like his penis was on wheels.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
