I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
