i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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