hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
