Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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