please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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