honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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