she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize