grandma shit on top of the toilet
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
