Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
