Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
