so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
